I want to discuss it

Starting a conversation

Raising transgressive behavior is already difficult for many people. As a freelancer, there's an extra layer to it. You depend on the relationship, your reputation is at stake, and there's rarely a formal structure that covers you as a freelancer. Still, a good conversation can make a real difference. The tips below help you prepare for and hold that conversation as effectively as possible.

Check whether it's safe to have the conversation.

You don't have to address someone yourself if you expect this to make the situation less safe or could affect your position. If you're unsure, you can ask for advice first.

Act deliberately.

Think about what you want to achieve: what's the best outcome, and what's an alternative outcome if nothing changes?

Choose your moment consciously.

Timing and context largely determine how a conversation lands. People in positions of power tend to react more defensively if they feel called out publicly, because this threatens their status. A conversation right after an incident, on set, or in front of a group, rarely works well. Look for a quiet moment, preferably one-on-one and away from the direct work situation. Ask explicitly for a short moment.

Example: "I'd like to talk to you about something for a moment, do you have time for that?"

Name the specific behavior and its impact.

People who display transgressive behavior are often not aware of it. An approach focused on intent ("you did this on purpose") provokes resistance. Instead, name the specific behavior and its effect on you: describe the situation factually, say how it came across to you, state what you need, and make a concrete request.

Example: "When you raised your voice during rehearsal, I noticed I no longer felt free to ask questions afterwards. I work better when feedback is given calmly. Could you do it that way next time?"

Connect your need to the shared interest.

People in a position of power respond better when you explicitly name their interest. A director, artistic lead, or other person in a position of power wants a good production. Connect your need for safety to that shared goal.

Example: "I'm bringing this up because I think it will benefit our collaboration. When I feel free to ask questions and raise things, I can perform better."

Use questions instead of statements.

Open questions open up a conversation where statements tend to close it. Questions invite reflection and lower the pressure on the other person to become defensive.

Example: "How have you experienced our collaboration lately?" or "Is there a way we could approach this differently?"

Prepare for resistance.

Not every conversation goes the way you hope. Prepare a calm response in advance for a dismissive or defensive reaction, so you're not caught off guard in the moment. A helpful technique is to mentally take a step back, so you don't react immediately to what the other person says, but stay grounded in your own position.

Example: "I understand you see it differently. I just wanted to have said it." Then briefly put it in writing afterwards.

If you feel like you're not getting anywhere or not being heard, it can help to bring someone else into the conversation. This could be a colleague you trust, a manager, or a fellow freelancer, but also an independent confidential advisor who can listen and think along with you about a next step.

What if having the conversation isn't the right choice?

Sometimes having the conversation isn't the safest or wisest choice. That's not a weakness, but a realistic assessment of the situation. Make sure you think carefully about alternative outcomes and their impact. One of the respondents in the preliminary research said: "The only position of power you have as a freelancer is walking away."